15-year-old in the Mirror

I once stood in awe,

staring at my elders’ pimples,

wondering if my flawless face

would ever be marred

by red little dots—

those inescapable marks

that come but never leave.

 

Now, at fifteen,

my face, my life

filled with blemishes.

And I begin to wonder:

What is the purpose of being alive?

 

Endless homework

from history essays to math tests

from presentations to reading logs

my life is not in chaos;

my life is chaos.

 

From navigating ties

with family and friends,

to staying in touch with teachers past,

I have not only failed,

but failed miserably.

I can't help

but question

 

What is the point of trying

when everything seems

to stand against me

 

When I face a motionless wall

from morning to night,

from sunrise to dawn...

Lackluster. Hopeless. Chaotic.

That’s what life feels like.

 

Stuck in a loop of

procrastination and panic,

I struggle just to open my eyes each morning.

 

Yet

when I realize

how countless people face more than I do

how they are bearing heavier louds 

but without complaint

Now

I can’t help

but shed tears of regret.

They say:

don’t take things for granted.

So now—

I must take hold

of my own flesh.